Healthy Screen Habits for Tweens and Teens by Amy Adams and Jeannie Ondelacy Sprague

Hillary Wilkinson: (00:00)

True story. I'm recording this seasonal wrap up in advance. It's literally the day after Halloween. As you remember, Halloween was on a Thursday this year, which means many brilliant school district officials decided that today, November 1st, would be a student free day. Not my district . Nope. I just shoved a very cute high schooler with an epic messy bun out the door . As I did that, I was like, okay, gonna get myself going, turned on some music and wow, the Christmas carols, you guys are out in force November 1st on nearly every playlist. I'm too lazy to make my own, so I just give, I just do the, uh, generated ones. So it just reminds me that it is here, and I am not nearly ready for the, the magic, the mayhem, and the mania of the holidays. I am not ready either to see on my feed, my social feeds, what I know what is coming.

Hillary Wilkinson: (01:16)

That is the perfectly matched pajamas and the beautiful hot cocoa bars and the, uh, the gifts that are purchased, and somehow they're like already stylistically displayed without the cats eating the ribbons and the dog dripping tree water all over them as the new living room, water bowl, AKA tree stand gets, uh, sampled. You know, I've just given you a deep peek into my house, . So that being said, trying to achieve this perfection, this stylized perfection that has been manufactured by influencers and interior design sorts, who all of who have photographers to check their lighting and they make the posting of these things their full-time job, it is a job. But that being said, this perfection is overrated. Everyone strives for this perfection, but no one relates to it. When you walk into someone's home, where do you feel most comfortable? Do you feel most comfortable walking into someone's living room?

Hillary Wilkinson: (02:36)

And it looks like the Four Seasons, or if there's, you know, the blankets on the couch, the books are on the floor. There's my, my aunt gave me the great tip when I was a young mom of just take your vacuum out and put it in the middle of the floor and everybody will assume you're in the middle of cleaning. So there you go. There's my tip of the day, . So now that my kids are a little bit older, and I've, I know I've said this before, I've got this benefit of hindsight and I understand something that is, that mistakes are where the memories are made. And when I mean by that is the remembrances of these perfect events are lovely, but the ones that bring down the house with laughter, with the storytelling, the revisiting of these moments are the ones that involved, you know, the year the dog tried to eat all the gingerbread ornaments off the tree, or the years we've been evacuated due to wildfires.

Hillary Wilkinson: (03:45)

Again, my or, or my SoCal is showing here. But those are the stories that get told again and again. Those are the ones that we remember and laugh at. And as it turns out, the mistakes are where the memories are made. So give yourself the grace to get it wrong and be okay with the things that don't turn out. The way you react is going to be what your kids remember. And if we have learned anything from this year from our surgeon general, is that today's parents are overworked, overstressed, too tired and alone lonely. So, you know what, give yourself a day off. Take a pajama day. Designate one night a week to be breakfast for dinner. Everybody will love it. And go to bed early without your cell phone. Charge it in your bathroom. I tell you, if you can just enact a few of these things just to clear your schedule, we, we continually pile stuff on it, but clear parts of your schedule.

Hillary Wilkinson: (05:01)

Make every Thursday, you know, have a set outfit that's like, oh, it's Thursday sweater day, and you know which sweater you're gonna wear every Thursday. So just take away some of the decision fatigue. One thing that you should not please don't make the mistake this year, is gifting a smartphone to your child. The gift of devices is truly not the one that keeps on giving. It's the one that keeps on taking. It takes free time. It takes agency, it takes the place of conversations. As Jonathan Haidt so eloquently put it earlier this year, the moment you give your child a smartphone is the moment you take away their childhood. The phone has become an experience blocker to rival no other. There are many alternative, safer devices that can help your family tread lightly into tech. There is also the new healthy screen habits for tweens and teens workbook that can act as a sort of training manual for your child.

Hillary Wilkinson: (06:19)

And here's a recommendation, one that like, I don't know that you're gonna hear many people say, oh, here's our, here's our handbook, here's our workbook. Don't give it as a gift. Like, don't, don't do it. But that's what I'm gonna say. Do not give this handbook, do not give this workbook as a gift. It, it's not a gift. It's not going to go over well. And we know this. It's not something that kids are going to ask for. It's a tool for you parents. It's a tool that what I was just talking about, how parents are so overstressed and overworked. This is a tool to make your life easier, to make sure that your child understands why they have a hard time putting their phone down. And for kids to spend time exploring themselves, their own likes, their dislikes, to develop their own sort of, uh, just sense of self.

Hillary Wilkinson: (07:17)

And it's a tool for also online etiquette and of course safety. But it's not a great gift. No kid's gonna want this as a gift. What the thing you should do is it's a great thing to bring out that week in between Christmas and New Year's. You know, that kind of no man's land. Do like a chapter a day for discussion, or if you're going on a road trip, bring it along on the road trip for family talks in the car. Technology is something that we all, like humanity is figuring out. It's important for our kids to see the areas we struggle with too. Lots of times they help brainstorm fixes. So for example, this summer my son announced he was gonna delete Instagram for the week. Our family vacation was happening to be more present. And I I was kind of embarrassed that it took my kid to point out, oh yeah, that is a really good idea.

Hillary Wilkinson: (08:20)

So I took his lead and I deleted it too. And it was so freeing. I wasn't thinking about what would make good posts during our like, daily activities. And honestly, I did not miss seeing what other people were doing because I didn't care because I was more engaged with the people in front of me and enriching my own life during that very special one week a year that we actually all have together. So if you are looking for a list of devices or companies that are healthy screen habits endorsed, please visit our website@healthyscreenhabits.org and look under tools for the products we endorse. If you're, if you're deeply committed to wanting to gift something tech related, that's, I I, I recommend going that way. There are other sites that offer great lists of tech free activities. I would go check out, uh, Brooke, Brooke Romney on Brooke Romney writes, I would check out better screen time. They usually post a whole list. There's a, you, you can find a number of great lists of tech-free gift ideas. Um, so here we go. Now, uh, the spirit of giving a little levity to this season as well as standing by my message of embracing mistakes, which I am going to work to remember this year as things invariably mess up. Here are some of this past season's bloopers and blunders. Just a few. Enjoy,

Hillary Wilkinson: (10:03)

Everyone strives for this. Protect perfection. Let me say that again. Strike that bud. Okay. I am speaking with Taton Jordan from Par, let me start again. They were featured in the NBC News Live special Generation swipe and have done nearly 30 national and international interviews and news pieces. I am A, B, C, did I say NBC? Yes. Shoot, sorry. Okay, I'm gonna thank you for catching that. I'll back it up. Okay. As well as major school districts including you, um, including LA Unified, Los Angeles, sorry, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna start again. 

As always, the Healthy Screen Habits crew is going on holiday hiatus as we walk our talk and spend time with our own families during these very fun festive days. Thank you so much. I really, really mean it. Thank you so much for listening weekly and learning with me this season. I look forward to joining you in 2025 as we continue to learn new healthy screen habits together for now. Healthy Screen Habits wishes all of you a healthy, happy holiday season and very definitely a happy New Year.