Episode 7: The Power of Unplugging 1 Day a Week // Tiffany Shlain of the Let It Ripple Studio

"All the screens went off, Friday to Saturday night, and it felt so good. It was unbelievable. Here’s this free, ancient practice of Shabbat that I’m just updating for the modern era that can absolutely make your life better."

- Tiffany Shlain

Healthy Screen Habit Takeaway

For more information on Tiffany Shlain:

https://www.tiffanyshlain.com/

Instagram: @tiffanyshlain

Facebook: Tiffany Shlain

Tiffany Shlain & Let It Ripple Film Studio

Resources Referenced:

Show Transcript

Hillary: (00:01)

My guest today was surrounded by the world of technology before she decided to make a quick and dramatic break in her lifestyle one day a week. As the founder of the Webby awards, which are kind of like the Academy awards for the internet and an Emmy nominated filmmaker, Tiffany Shlain, was living life online to the fullest, then came a series of events which led to soul searching and a decision she's written a book about. I'm delighted to welcome the author of 24/6 Giving Up Screens One Day A Week. Welcome, Tiffany Shlain.

Tiffany Shlain: (00:42)

I'm so happy to be here.

Hillary: (00:44)

Yay. Okay.

Tiffany Shlain: (00:47)

The title of your podcast, I'm like we were made to speak.

Hillary: (00:50)

Oh, I agree. I agree. So Tiffany, now you went from living a very fast paced online lifestyle until a series of life changing events occurred. Can you tell us a little bit about what happened?

Tiffany Shlain: (01:17)

Yeah. I, um, love technology. I should start with that. And I was always into experimenting with the latest technology first and my husband is a professor of robotics, like we're into it, but we're also interested in the questions around what does it amplify and what does it amputate, when does it make things better? And when does it make things worse? And so, um, around, over 11 years ago, we both hit this wall that was kind of brought on by very dramatic events where I lost my father to brain cancer. And, um, my husband's and my daughter was born and this all happened in a series of days. And it really felt like life was grabbing me by the shoulders and saying, what matters, focus on what matters and what mattered was that? I wasn't looking at screens all the time. And I, the truth is I was feeling like I was never present.

Tiffany Shlain: (02:06)

I was always being pulled from where I was by a notification or a screen. And so we started turning off all screens one day a week from Friday night to Saturday night for what we call our text robots. And that really comes from the idea of Shabbat and we're Jewish, but we're cultural Jews, not religious Jews, but the idea of Shabbat, um, is a full day of rest. It's the fourth commandment. And the only people I knew that really did a full day of rest for Orthodox Jews, like very religious Jews or very religious Christians took a Sabbath or, and what I discovered with my husband and family by kind of reclaiming it and rethinking of what does it mean in modern society is for us, it meant no screen. So all the screens went off Friday night to Saturday night, it felt so good. It was unbelievable. And, um, we kept doing it then week the next week, the next week. And the benefits just kept multiplying. And you know, of course we have kids that they were young. Now we have one going off to college and one almost 12, and we've seen how incredible it's been for them and for us. And so eventually I was like, I have to have to write a book about this because here's this free, ancient practice that I'm just updating for the modern era that can absolutely make your life better.

Hillary: (03:25)

I love that kind of standing on the shoulders of those who came before us.

Tiffany Shlain: (03:30)

Yes. Yeah. And that's what I mean. That was the most exciting thing is this is a very old idea. And if you look at, um, like I'm thinking about the title of your podcast right? And I think the 10 commandments at their core are how to live a healthy life, how to live a good life balance, right? It's like, and the fact that taking a full day of rest is so high up on that list. I, and again, coming from a more intellectual perspective on what the 10 commandments mean, I'm like, wow, that's very high up on the list. That's above honor, thy mother and father that's above do not commit murder is take a full day of rest. So the more that we started doing this practice, I'm like, this is the most brilliant, simple idea.

Tiffany Shlain: (04:19)

And that's why it withstands. Well, that's why it's over 3000 years old. There's a reason why this one idea has been maintained in all these different cultures in different ways, with slightly different names and different practices, but like to really take a full day of rest and, and our society, the goal is like hustle work produced 24 seven and achieve and be. And, and I think that what I really learned from 11 years of doing this practice is that not only does it reset our S our screen use the rest of the week, it kind of resets our sense of self, family. We laugh more, we sleep better. We just, um, I feel more creative. I feel more productive the other six days. Like there's so many benefits and it all stems from completely disconnecting from the online world and really being present with the world right in front of you. Right.

Hillary: (05:13)

Well, I think it's in Cal Newport’s book Digital Minimalism that he found research from Keflidge and Erwin that says that we need to preserve space that is free from the input of other people's minds. Oh my gosh. Right. Doesn't that resonate with you?

Tiffany Shlain: (05:28)

Yes. It's like, we have to value thinking on our own in this hive mind all the time, like every great wisdom practice talks about listening to what you're thinking. What do you really feel about something? And how can you possibly understand that when you have so much new input and stimulation all the time brain all time when you send me that quote?

Tiffany Shlain: (05:50)

Oh, for sure. Absolutely. Yes. So I have to ask, because we're, we're recording right now. Hopefully moving forward through our shut down pandemic with this is, uh, beginning of April. And I want to know, you know, we have really kind of come very reliant on technology during the pandemic to connect with others. How, how has this time affected you? Has it at all affected or changed your family's day of being unplugged? Do you still maintain it?

Hillary: (05:50)

Oh, for sure. Absolutely. Yes.

(05:54)

So I have to ask, because we're, we're recording right now. Hopefully moving forward through our shut down pandemic. And I want to know, you know, we have really kind of come very reliant on technology during the pandemic to connect with others. How, how has this time affected you? Has it at all affected or changed your family's day of being unplugged? Do you still maintain it?

Tiffany Shlain: (06:31)

Oh yeah. It's actually the one. I remember our older daughter in the heat of the first lockdown back last March. I remember my daughter was like, this is the only thing that has been consistent has been our Tech Shabbats became more important because the news was so scary and the election news, and it was so stressful that, and the doom scrolling, and it was like this one reprieve from all of it. And then my daughter was also applying to college. It was like a super stressful year on a million levels. And, um, so just having this one day where we're like, nothing else matters, but what's in this home or out in nature. 

Tiffany Shlain: (07:09)

And she knew that because you had set that groundwork for over a decade at this point, you guys have had that reset button. So it was a place of comfort.

Tiffany Shlain: (07:20)

Thank you. That's a beautiful way. It was comforting. The consistency was comforting. The, you know, you can't cancel it. So many things were canceled. You can't cancel Shabbat. It happens every week. And we looked forward to it. And, you know, there was maybe a month where we, we always, um, the Jewish practice starts with like a meal with family and friends. And even during the pandemic, we've done it outside with a table, six feet away and a heat outdoor heater. But we had that very social Friday night.

Tiffany Shlain: (07:47)

I have this very beautiful picture of you guys outside. It's very Napa Valley in my brain. So if it's not, don't, you know, don't interrupt my thought

Tiffany Shlain: (07:58)

Sometimes it was so cold. And I, the motto of this year has been that Swedish expression, which is there's no bad weather, just bad clothing. We would have all these down parkas and like to throw at, our guests. But I was just saying last week, I'm so sick of freezing meals.

Tiffany Shlain: (08:19)

I could not relate more. And book clubs outside around a campfire and you come home smelling like you're camping. I feel you deeply!

Tiffany Shlain: (08:32)

I think that, you know, Friday's always the social part where we'll, I mean not very many people, obviously during the pandemic, there's one much smaller, like couple people, a couple of family, whatever. And so Friday night was social but Saturday was much more hearing your own head. And, you know, I mean, I, I really look at Saturday as a day of thinking, perspective. I do a lot of journaling. We usually go out in nature. We all nap. We read. It's a very delicious day in my book. And it allows you to digest everything you've experienced. We're experiencing so much with the internet, which again, I love. I'm on Instagram. I'm on Twitter. I'm on, I do newsletters. I love the, the call and response of the internet. Just not all the time.

Hillary Wilkinson: (09:23)

I love your phrase right there where you said, "It's a delicious day to digest." And it's just like, you're kind of digesting the rest of the week. You think about the most delicious meals I have had in my life have been meals that have required a time for digestion afterwards, you know? So that sounds like what this Shabbat almost does. It's a time to process all that good food of the week and get prepped for the next one.

Tiffany Shlain: (09:53)

Oh my God. I love that you called that out. Yes, you're right. It's a delicious day to digest.

Hillary Wilkinson:(09:59)

I kind of like food!

Tiffany Shlain:(10:03)

If you just keep eating and you never like give a second, you're not going to enjoy it as much. And so this Saturday, Friday, the Saturday really helps us enjoy life. I feel like I enjoy my own thoughts, more there's space to think, and there's a space to connect with your family or just yourself. And I, I value it so much, you know, our older daughter's going off to college and she wants to keep doing this practice. And so,

Hillary: (10:30)

Oh, I hope she does. I hope she teaches all of our digital natives out there. I mean, maybe she can start a movement. I would love that.

Tiffany Shlain: (10:39)

Yeah. There's I had a lot of younger people that have been reading my book lately and reaching out to me they're in their late teens or early twenties. And they're so burnt out from the pandemic. I mean, the interest in the book, my book 24/6 during the pandemic, it came out like the fall before the pandemic and people were interested in it for a different reason, like the 24/7 life. And then of course the pandemic life was like screens for everything and a different, whole different level of burnout. And the zoom burnout, I think is fascinating because it's, I think a lot about that. We can't really make eye contact and it's this kind of adjacent connecting. And, um, and now we're emerging from this pandemic.

Hillary: (11:19)

I totally want to follow up on that. And when we come back, I'm going to ask Tiffany how the rest of the world responds to her, literally being offline one day a week.

Ad Break

Hillary: (11:55)

Tiffany Shlain lectures and performs worldwide. She's included on NPR's list of best commencement speeches. And, we are talking to her today. Tiffany made a decision to take herself and her family offline one day, a week as a day to reset and recharge. So I have to tell you as wonderful as Tech Shabbat sounds. I admit I was a little skeptical that it would be respected by others until I was getting ready for today's recording. And today is a Tuesday we're recording on a Tuesday. And I typically reach out to guests like two days before recording day or so just to touch base and get things organized. And so last Friday I really should have done that like midday, you know, in my, in my fantasy life, I'm all on top of things.

Hillary: (12:58)

But in my real life, it kind of, you know, gotten away as things do. And the day was a busy one. And I realized like, it was probably like 4:30 -5 o'clock, which I realized I'd never sent my email and I thought, Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow. And then I realized, I can't email Tiffany Shlain about Tech Shabbat during the weekend. So I didn't and the world didn't end. And it was amazing because all weekend, every time I had that little, like, did you get that email out feeling? I was able to think, Nope. And it doesn't matter, cause she's not going to read it anyways. You know? And it just like, it really, you gave me a gift this weekend by practicing your Shabbat.

Tiffany Shlain: (13:44)

That's a really good point because I think so much of this is modeling behavior. I mean, so much of parenting is modeling behavior. Like if you're on the screens all the time and you're telling your kids get off the screens it'll mean nothing. Cause they're just what you do. And also as somebody who runs a company by telling my staff, my staff knows I'm not going to email Friday night to Saturday night. And if I have to email them, Sunday I set it scheduled to go on Monday morning. And I think email's gotten completely out of control. Um, I know personally, my inbox is like, I just think that people need to respect people's time off. And the problem is, is that people use email and social media and so many things for such a mixture of things that you often, when you're trying to take your time off on the weekend, you're going to get such a mixture of stress and pleasure.

Tiffany Shlain: (14:38)

There's the, yeah, it's the creep, right? And even on Sunday, like for awhile there, I take a full day off on Friday, Saturday, but Sunday I feel very productive and I was sending emails. I'm like, wait, I've got to send press schedule for Monday morning because they might still be having their day off. And so it is about retraining, like things got completely out of hand in our society with bosses, emailing all over the weekend. I mean, we.

Hillary: (15:04)

And all times at night.

Tiffany Shlain: (15:05)

All times at night and you know, to wake up to a stressful email, to go to bed to a stressful email will ruin your sleep will ruin your morning. And the truth is you need to spend time. Like I have my phone out of my bedroom an hour before bed, sometimes two hours. Um, and I read and I do my little night rituals.

Tiffany Shlain: (15:21)

I sleep much better because of it. And in the morning I don't look at my phone when I wake up. Um, I, I write and I think for about 20 minutes before I check my phone and that has also made such a difference. And I think you just have to think that these things are setting the tone for your sleep. They're setting the tone for your day for your own health. And if you're exactly, if you're in constant reaction mode, I mean talk about health. You're just raising your cortisol levels.

Hillary: (15:48)

Exactly.

Tiffany Shlain: (15:49)

You're not setting the tone. And here's the thing our minds naturally want to go to the stressful and the negative. So, so much stuff on the news and the internet is, playing to that. So if you take control and say, I'm going to wake up and write what I'm grateful for, what I'm looking forward to today, something positive. I'm going to redirect my mind and I'm going to think, what do I have to do today? Then I'm going to let the world in.

Hillary: (16:16)

And you knew what I love is there's actually science to back that up. But I mean, with the functional MRIs that we have now, we can actually trace thought patterns and see what areas of the brain light up during those exercises. And for, for people who tend to be a little more empirically based or not, you know, I mean, there are those people who I consider you a creative, like you're in a creative field, you are generating and you like you talk about the comfort you get from journaling and et cetera. There are other people who might not identify with that. It just doesn't resonate with them, whether or not I think that's right is another thing. But I think everybody can benefit from gratitude journals, et cetera. But seeing the brain scans, seeing the actual data of different areas of our brain lighting up and knowing that there are new neural connections being made and fostering growth in that positive framework, I think is so critical.

Tiffany Shlain: (17:22)

Yeah. I, you know, make a lot of films. That's my normal thing that I do. Um, this was my first book, but a lot of my films show the neuroscience behind the things behind creativity, behind gratitude, behind growth mindset. And I think that the more people see that it's, you know, science underscores, I think what we already instinctively know. And it goes in deeper when you see the brain scans. And I think that's exciting because we've never known more the brain than right now. Um, and I grew up with a father that taught me all about the brain and my mom's a psychologist. So like they've always been teaching me about the brain, but now there's so many scans to back up.

Hillary: (17:59)

Yes. And it's, it's just validating. It's not so much that it's new data to you, but it's just awfully validating.

Tiffany Shlain: (18:07)

It's like, Oh, that explains that's. And I think it helps people want to do things more. Like I remember, you know, I'm always trying to exercise more and I saw this brain scan of like it floods your body with like new, you know, it's what it does to your brain and your body when you exercise, um, is so fantastic. It's going to inspire you to want to do it more. So I think the more we can show people like flooding your body with stress and cortisol and reaction and fight or flight and okay, that's one way to live. Or if you play into the parasympathetic nervous system more, which is like rest and digest, tend and befriend love. It's about calming. You have to integrate that into your day. 

Hillary: (18:49)

Teach our kids those techniques. That's what you were just saying, how, what we model, I mean, our actions speak so much louder than our words. And we have observers in our house every day, watching us when they don't, when you don't even know you're being watched. So you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Tiffany Shlain: (19:14)

No, you do have to. I don't know. I actually had this interesting moment because we used to have no screens upstairs in our house with two levels. Then the pandemic happened and the kids bedrooms became their school studio. You know, it's sort of multiplying like hamsters in our house and where they were. And then I remember there was this point where my husband and I were like, what's going on here? We have to reset.

Hillary: (19:35)

We are not these people.

Tiffany Shlain: (19:37)

We're not this family. And then suddenly we're like, okay, all the screens out of the bedroom at nine. And then my younger daughter was like, "Mom, but why do you still have your phone in your bedroom?" And I thought I was like managing the situation. And I'm like, you're absolutely right. Here's my phone. And I have her take it down at night, which is like, Oh, I'm doing that for a reason.

Tiffany Shlain: (19:54)

I'm like, "Hey sweetheart, you want to bring mine down with yours and to the charging dock?" And I think all of those things are saying, you know, you can say something 3000 times to your child and it's, it's only what you do that they're going to do. So that's why I think Tech Shabbat, like anyone listening, if you're, I would say every week is a new chance to try Tech Shabbat. Why? Because it happens every week. But I really walk you through in the book, you know, different aged kids and different types of kids. It's going to be a different way. You should talk to them about this because really it's not, "we're going to take your screens away for a week, for a day a week." Which is like the worst positioning, but it's really like, what do you wish we did more of as a family? What do you like to do more of? And I'm like, fill the day with joy and remind people. I think people have forgotten how to exist without their phones glued to their hands and screens everywhere. 

….transcription error….

Hillary: A quick very real life question :  How do you handle weekends?

Tiffany:  response

…...transcription error….

Ad Break

Hillary: (23:43)

I'm talking with Tiffany Shlain encouraging families to open up to life and find balance with tea with screen time. So Tiffany, one of the statements in your book reads, " There's a lack of balance. The speed at which technology is taking over is so much greater than the speed at which we are able to grasp its impact. And the people in the room making the decisions are rarely connected to the people in homes, feeling the effect." I read this, and it's so resonated, maybe resonated with me. I think it perfectly summarizes my greatest frustration with 

A. The demographics of many of Silicone Valley's most prolific programmers and 

B. The reality of trying to intentionally raise thoughtful, empathetic, curious, imaginative children. 

So do you have ideas on how we can bridge this gap that's happening?

Tiffany Shlain: (24:46)

Yeah. I, I mean, I look at these couple of hearings that have happened even recently with Facebook and Twitter and Google. And so often the government officials don't really understand the mechanics of what they're even trying to regulate. And so having more translators in the room, I'm on a couple, um, boards that work watchdog group, um, that worked to be that translator. Um, but if you think about like the television protection act, when you know, advertisements to keep them from kids and that there've been some updates, that common sense media, and then I'm on the board of, um, a new lab that I'm really excited about out of Harvard called the Digital Wellness lab and then Children For a Screen-free Childhood. So there's a lot of great organizations working to fulfill that role. But I think going back, the problem is that a lot of, um, the white men who have these technologies that don't have kids like who want to take away eye contact, if you were a mom, like eye contact is like your single greatest tool as a mom.

Hillary: (25:53)

You can, you can read a kid across a room with your, with your eyes.

Tiffany Shlain: (25:57)

And if they're always looking down and glazed and kind of zombie scream like you, you're losing your greatest tool. So I'm excited about more women getting into tech, more diversity of, uh, people creating it. And, and I basically a demographic that in politics, that's going to understand what's actually happening and the soft skills, you know, I think for so long, it was like STEM, STEM, STEM, but you know, the, the, those hard skills, like I hate the term hard and soft skills are so valuable; empathy, being able to read a situation, um, compassion, and really the mental health issue that's happening right now from a year on screens. It's like the future arrived and it sucked and it created a lot of mental health issues. And I think, you know, I don't think they're really thinking about that when they're creating these tools. So get more people in there at the creation phase to try to predict them and think of the long-term consequences is really important. Also,

Hillary: (26:57) I could not agree with you more.

Tiffany Shlain: (28:45)

So Tiffany, on every episode of the healthy screen habits podcast, I ask each guest for a healthy screen habit that our listeners can put into practice in their own home. Do you have one?

Tiffany Shlain: (29:00)

Yes, I do. I would say tonight, you're listening to this. Well, first of all, I really hope you will try doing a tech Shabbat, which my book explains how to do it in 24/6. But the simple thing to just start today is, you know, your bedtime and back out of that one to two hours and put your phone outside of your bedroom, charge it in another room. There's so much research,

Hillary: (29:27)

 At Healthy Screen Habits we always recommend the master bathroom. That's where we recommend docking stations be put because we have many, many, many tales of very creative children helping themselves to charging stations if they're downstairs or, but you're right. You don't want it in your bedroom to disrupt your own sleep patterns, but we recommend putting it in the master bathroom.

Tiffany Shlain: (29:54)

Wow. So the second thing I would say, I'm giving you more than one, but when you wake up, even if you use it as your alarm clock, which I have to challenge you to try to not use an alarm clock because your body really will get up when, you know, you need to get up. And I really learned that as I've gotten older, but try to not look at your phone for 20 minutes when you wake up, like drink your coffee, write a couple of things, you're grateful for things just you're going to happen that day. If you like to do yoga, if you like to take a walk, do something besides looking at that phone, I promise you it's a better way to start the day.

Hillary: (30:35)

I love that. I think it's a better way to start your day and it's a better way to live your life. Yes. Well, thank you so much for being here today. I will link your book 24/6: Giving Up Screens One Day A Week in the show notes. But if people want to find out more about you, because like this has really not been enough time with you and I'm sure people are going to want to know all about you and all of the awesome work that you do. How can they find you online?

Tiffany Shlain: (31:07)

Um, I think the best site is TiffanyShlain.com and my last name doesn't have a C. So it's just S H L a I n.com. And I do a regular newsletter. I'm on all the socials and all my movies are on there. Um, yeah. And I'd love to stay in touch with your listeners and I hope you and I can stay in touch.

Hillary: Yes, ditto.